Hank
Tonite I couldn't sleep. Thoughts of H on my mind. I decided to write them down; got out my laptop & while logging in noticed my password needed changing. A distraction from capturing my thoughts; maybe this was one reason H never used a computer. He was a writer, who stubbornly continued to use typewriters to the end. He quizzed me on computers when he learned I was knowledgable, over 10 years ago. I happily explained the ease of cut-and-paste, search-and-replace, not having to print until your document was just right. He was intrigued but something about it put him off. He didn't exactly explain what (which was unusual). But I digress.
It took me years to become H's friend. Not because I didn't like him. We were just different types in many ways. I grew up a shy introverted person, and he, like his brother, was a friendly, gregarious people person, full of stories and laughter. I used to be intimidated by people like that. I felt small in comparison. But as I grew out of my shell and continued to see H I discovered similarities.
H was tuned in to his brother; they were on the same wavelength. Many times, I'd see my father pick up the phone, dial H's number, and speak just a single cryptic word or phrase. H never failed to supply the proper response and they'd both erupt into peals of laughter.
H was better than I in many ways; he had political sense; he would show you a good time; he wanted to show you a good time. The Hank I knew was a warm, open, fun-loving guy.
I just have to look at the eyes of his brother, and his daughter, and their mouths crinkling up when they laugh, and there's H.
I remember him on Maui saying "You know, it would just take a half-dozen of us street-smart kids from the Bronx a few days and we'd be running this whole island". His delight in retelling the hawaiian creation myth. Him waking us up before dawn and driving us up the mountain so we could watch sunrise from Haleakala's crater. He never tired of recalling when, during that visit, he noted "Frank can eat an entire pizza and never gain a pound, while I eat one slice and gain ten pounds." "What are uncles for?" he reported me to have said.
Like it or not, I think most of us understand what is meant by the term "people person". H was a people person, in spades. When I introduced him to Suzan, who I later married, he liked her instantly (OK, everybody does),...because she's also a people person. Which reminds me, only once in my life have I ever seen H at a loss for words. That was during my wedding reception, when he declined to give a toast after hearing several of my new in-laws give theirs. Perhaps H was astonished that I was marrying into such an outgoing, gregarious clan; maybe he realized he didn't know me as well as he'd thought; or maybe it was another private concern.
I saw him more frequently after I moved to the west coast. We spoke on the phone, and I looked him up when we went to Vegas. He took delight in showing Suzan and me the town, his favorite restaurants and casinos. And have I mentioned his generosity? Hank was always offering to put us up, to make us meals, to take us out. And always a wise-crack.
H wasn't always easy to be around. He was a world-class snorer. When he heard I had taken up pool, he lined up some friends and took us all out to a pool hall, where he demonstrated he was no stranger to the sport. He loved to cook Chinese meals for his friends. He liked music and films. He enjoyed the good life -- he enjoyed life.
Hank was mysterious too; sometimes I wondered about his choices; why he moved to Vegas, what he did as attorney, his goals as a writer, his relationships with women. Things I felt uncomfortable asking directly. And now we'll never have those conversations.
I prepared some remarks for the occasion of his 70th birthday. We went out to dinner, and came back to his place, and Tray had prepared a room for giving him presents and celebrating and... I never read those remarks. That night, I couldn't get a word in edgewise. Maybe he was using words as a shield; I don't know.
Anyway I found them buried under a pile of papers on my dresser. I never dreamed I'd be reading them under such a different circumstance. A better writer could probably combine them into one, but since I can't figure it out I ask your patience as I read another short speech now. Then when that's done I'll try and wrap this thing up. OK...
***** [read other remarks] *****
I wanted to tell him, I wanted Hank to hear this...but it's too late. A lesson here is: life can be hard, life can be good, things can be convenient or inconvenient, but you never know what's going to happen. Things change. If you have something to say, say it today. So I think Hank would not mind if I take this opportunity to say just a few words to his brother and his daughter. Please accept my apologies for being a jerk. Know that I love you both very much. I am very lucky to have you as father and cousin. Don't be a stranger; let's get together when we can for a beer, or whatever. Life is short...
Goodbye Hank. Peace & love dude.