24-Jan-2008

Mr. Chair:

It comes to my belated attention that not only does Bill's annual whale hunting expedition fall on the same day as Yom Kippur this year; I realize now that it also coincides with Penguin Spanking Day. I apologize for not bringing this to your attention sooner, however it is difficult to tell far in advance exactly what day will be Penguin Spanking Day, because it depends on the phase of the moon as well as magnetic drift.

I am not actually prohibited from attending a meeting on this day, but I think you will agree once you understand the nature of this occasion that my attending a meeting on this day would be undesirable from the standpoint of the Board.

The legend goes, that sometime around the end of the last ice age a huge penguin (larger than a modern whale) was sliding down an ice floe when it hit its backside on a rock. This occasioned it to emit a gigantic poo on the exact spot which became the City of Seattle (some say that Mayor Nickels' house is located at the exact epicenter of this monumental poo).

On Penguin Spanking Day believers must be alert, and should a penguin wander by they must be prepared to swat it briskly on the backside thereby encouraging it to emit more poo so that the City can continue to prosper.

However to swat a penguin without being properly anointed would be profane; therefore I would have to attend the meeting with my hands covered in fish oil. I am sure you can understand the predicament this poses.

Given the confluence of all of these circumstances, it would be in the best interests of the Board to move the October meeting to a different date so that the maximum number can attend.

Thank you, I appreciate your sensitivity to the needs of your fellow Boardmembers.

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Fred Morris, member, 36th District Democrats' Executive Board